


trick of the light

by kyoufushi81



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Jealousy, Past Friendship, Past Relationship(s), Unhappy Ending, loner!Killua, popular!Gon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-29
Updated: 2014-11-29
Packaged: 2018-02-27 08:59:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2686916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyoufushi81/pseuds/kyoufushi81
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Those two months had been the prime of Killua’s short life- having Gon as a friend. Since they’d met, they’d only become closer and closer, but then Gon had found new friends. </p>
<p>So Killua had been forgotten.</p>
            </blockquote>





	trick of the light

**Author's Note:**

> I got the inspiration for this from an actual experience of mine, where my cousin was starting at a new school and he made a friend, who was also new. They got really close, but my cousin's really quiet and his friend's a social butterfly, so they kind of drifted apart. Kinda stupid, I know. 
> 
> Also, Kalluto's a first year, Alluka's a second year and Killua's a third year in high school. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy reading this!

                Alluka hums softly under her breath, skipping happily and smiling. Kalluto chatters quietly at Killua, though he’s not really paying attention to what his little brother is saying. He nods his head, making sure he doesn’t walk too fast, with the occasional “yeah” and “mhm”, but really wishes the kid would just shut up so he can focus on what’s ahead.

                Rather, on the spiky-haired, good natured boy walking in front of him.

#

                _The bell has yet to ring and everyone is standing around in groups, chatting and socializing. Killua sees groups of girls squealing and hugging, groups of boys exchanging sloppy high-fives and small crowds of both in a mesh of laughter and conversation. But there’s no one standing alone, like him and he wonders why everyone is such good friends with each other._

_“Hi!” Killua whips around, looking frantically for the source of the voice that shook him rather violently out of his thoughts, to find a boy standing right next to him. He’s got the most stupid looking hair and a ridiculous smile on his face as he reaches his hand out. “I’m Gon, and you are-?”_

_Killua stutters for a moment, unable to react to this sudden contact. “Uh, Killua.”_

_The boy – Gon, was it? – takes Killua’s hand in his and shakes it vigorously. “Let’s be friends, Killua!”_

#

                It’s dumb, he thinks, this _obsession_ he’s got with a friendship that was short-lived. He’d never been able to hold any sort of relationship for long, so why would this have been any exception? After all, he’s the antisocial kid no one wants to even approach, and Gon’s the social butterfly- the magnet drawing every one towards him. There’s no way it could have worked.

                And yet, he still wakes up every morning with a desire to find Gon in the courtyard before school starts, to tease and joke with him. He’ll never get a chance, though, because Gon is always flanked by at least a few people. He’s so popular, in fact, that it’s difficult to believe that he had just moved to this high school two months ago.

                Those two months had been the prime of Killua’s short life- having Gon as a friend. Since they’d met, they’d only become closer and closer, but then Gon had found new friends.

                So Killua had been forgotten.

                “Onii-chan, how’re things with Gon?” Alluka asks, masking her concern with a thin layer of curiosity. She’s a smart girl, and as much as Killua tries to hide it from her, she always figures out how things are with him.

                But that doesn’t mean he can’t try. “Uh, fine. We hang out and stuff.” It’s a horrible effort and by the way Kalluto’s stopped talking, he’s sure they both know he’s lying.

                “Sure, Killua,” Kalluto says quietly, so quietly that he could pass off as sincere, if it wasn’t for the pointed look he’s throwing Killua’s way. They’ve both got more things to say to him, he’s sure, but as always, he is their big brother, and they know better than to take care of his problems for him.

                “You should come sit in the field with me at lunch, Onii-chan,” Alluka offers, and Killua notices the ‘me’ in place of ‘we’. “It’s really nice and quiet and we can talk, okay?”

                Killua stares blankly ahead and gives a small nod that would seem indifferent to anyone else, but Alluka knows he’s grateful for the chance to finally talk to someone. 

                Oh, the joys of being a little sister.

#

                The days pass, with Killua and Alluka sitting and talking so much that they forget to eat sometimes. It’s hard at first to get Killua to talk, but he opens up eventually. Alluka talks, too, about how all her friends from before have grown away after seeing Nanika.

                She’s got intermittent explosive disorder, though their parents don’t care enough to get her treatment. The school doesn’t really, either- they’d much rather not deal with the hassle, so they leave her alone so long as she doesn’t have any outbursts and doesn’t let Nanika out. Nanika – the affectionate name given to her persona during and after outbursts – scares people.

                Killua will never find friends if he doesn’t look, she says, and lectures him every day on how to be sociable, to get people to like him. When she smiles apologetically one day and tells him she has to sit inside with some boys she’s made friends with, it’s like a cruel twist of fate and a perfect example of everything she’s tried to teach him combined into one painfully gratifying experience.

                He keeps on sitting alone in the same place, thinking over what she’s said, but a month after she’s gone and he’s forgotten everything. Sometimes, before lunch break is over, Gon and some of his friends will bring a ball on to the field and play soccer, or volleyball, or they’ll (stupidly) try and dribble it around like in basketball and end up laughing.  He’s not sure if any of them notice him, and it’s weird, because one part of him doesn’t want them to even glance at him, but another part wants them to stride up to him in that confident way they do and invite him to play with them.

                _Then,_ he promises himself, _if they don’t invite me, I’ll stay here, and if they do, I’ll go._

#

                He had known this day would come. The fated, dreaded, long-awaited day.

                His bento box, wrapped tightly in a cute napkin (courtesy of Alluka), has been left to become cold and soggy at home. The pain, the horror, the _shame_ it must feel for forcing Killua to venture in to the cafeteria, forcing him to mingle with people and to feel physical contact with any animal life forms. Every touch, every brush up against someone is a completely foreign sensation, and yet it feels so familiar, because of _him._

Back when they’d been together, contact had been a large part of Gon’s idea of friendship. The boy hadn’t seemed able to go five minutes without giving a high-five, pat on the back, or a hug. Truth be told, the hugs had been the worst at first, but he’d grown to accept them, to expect them when they came. He’s not sure why, but hugs are what he misses most about Gon.

                He misses the feeling of a warm body pressed up against his, of arms wrapped around him and face buried in his neck- that safe feeling he’d always get, and the fuzzy feeling working his way from his chest down in to his entire body. But now, he knows he’ll have to suck it up and let go, because he sure as hell isn’t getting one of those hugs anytime soon.

               Resigning himself to a lunch without food, because God knows what he’ll do to stay away from the group of people, Killua’s walking out the door to sit in his usual spot when someone taps him on the shoulder. The touch feels familiar, but the memory is faded like an old photo- he can’t make out the people in it anymore. He stiffens and whips around, a scowl on his face.

                “Hi, Killua!” It’s Gon, and Killua’s scowl begins to fade before he remembers that it’s _Gon,_ the friend who he trusted but shouldn’t have, and he jams his hands in his pockets and begins walking away. It’s too late, though; Gon knows he’s been recognized, and he chases after him, yelling.

                Killua turns around again and snaps, “What do you want?” and Gon recoils a bit, hurt expression on his face. He holds out a small paper bag rolled neatly and it brings back memories of shared lunches, debates about who’s lunch was better and it _hurts_ to remember, so Killua shoves them deep in to the back of his mind.

                “Well, I saw you in the cafeteria and wanted to say hi, but you went to buy lunch and I couldn’t, and I thought you were,“ he sucks in a deep breath before continuing, “you were sitting where you usually sit, outside, but then I saw you in the corner with no food, so I was like, ‘hey, better go share some of my lunch with Killua, right?’ so I did.”

                “Where’re your _friends_?” Killua sneers, telling himself not to feel the gratitude that’s flooding to the forefront of his thoughts right now. “Don’t you have better things to do than share your lunch with _me_?”

                Gon smiles sheepishly and scratches the back of his head. “Well, don’t tell anyone, but when I saw you they were like, ‘hey Gon, let’s go outside,’ but you looked hungry and kind of sad, so I had to lie to them that I had to go to the washroom so that I could come see you.”  

                His earnest tone hasn’t changed, but there’s something off-putting in his voice that makes Killua feel like he should be apologizing to (the-oh-so-great-and-holy) Gon for making him waste his time with his friends outside for some lunch. Killua almost accepts Gon’s offer – he’s really, _really_ hungry – but he plays it cool and brushes the boy off with a wave of his hand. “Nah, I think I’ll pass. I’m not that hungry anyways.”

                Just before he begins walking away, he catches a glance of what he thinks might be a disappointed expression on Gon’s face.

                But it’s probably just a trick of the light.

               


End file.
